I know the importance of perseverance. But day after day, handling physical pain and trying to internally motivate myself to think positive and push through battles and chronic pain can be too much to bear, even for types who bend toward trying to be tough/push through pain/persevere. There is a limit. God is reassuring me that it is ok to be flexible. It is always the best choice to choose what is best for all 4 of us, not just the kids. Through prayer, I have been given permission to send my kids back to school! They will go to 3 different schools, so that will be a challenge in and of itself! But, it is how God is leading. They will have their own reputation. They will have their space after being together, mostly quarantined for two years. I am ready, although I will miss them. It would not be mature for me to say, “I quit.” It has been a blessing to spend time with them. It has been wonderful to get to know them. Yes, it has been hard to homeschool 3 kids as a single mom who tries to work small jobs on the side too. But, it was where God called me and I am thankful I could be obedient to answer the call. Next fall will bring new teachers, schools, friends, and opportunities our way. I am going to be positive. I know we can do it together. I feel like my 12 year old is more like a high schooler. His knowledge is at the level of a high schooler, but with a tween, almost teen rude…his skills match those of a high schooler. God reminds me this is where he really is. He was reading at a 10th grade level at the start of 5th grade. His friend at one of the private Christian schools said sweetly to him as we transitioned out of the school that day into homeschool that year, “Lewis, you are a legend.” I’ll never forget those words…
I pray God give me the strength to keep up with 3 different schools next fall. I pray I can transition from main teacher to support role (tutoring, etc). I pray my body and mind can recover from the stress of taking on so many responsibilities the past two years, mostly quarantined. I am so grateful for the opportunity to school my kids!!! The moments I have enjoyed have been priceless. I shall treasure them.
I will start the next phase of finishing my degree next fall and physical training to get back into good shape. I am really looking forward into pouring into myself a bit to regain my health and feel good about my body, and gain knowledge in my area of interest (teaching). Time management will be key. But, I think I can do it!
Following God’s call is the most important in life. No matter what. Having an obedient heart and moving forward to keep up with a fast-paced life is key. Healing takes time. I try to rush my healing, but I am learning, it just takes time. My heart has been heart a lot throughout my life. Although I feel secure in God’s love, I know I still need healing from all of the dysfunction, heartache, and sin. I am glad I am still believing in God and caring towards others, but will be grateful for another season to focus on healing/growing, so I can give even more. ❤️
Perseverance is key, but God is so merciful, he gives us breaks and is so nurturing/healing. I love you Lord, my Rock, Redeemer, and Healer!