Waiting on Him…

God calls us to do something, we obey, but things don’t look exactly like we had imagined…He speaks, once again, to Wait on Him…He moves hearts…He makes things happen in ways we could never understand…WAIT ON HIM.

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Mountain Air to Refresh the Soul :-)

Brian and I were so excited to be able to go on a trip to Big Bear this past weekend.  We weren’t entirely sure we would be able to go until the day before, so as we packed, cleaned, and hopped into the car, it hit me…THIS is our trial run for our move!!!  Everything came together beautifully leaving the home (which usually doesn’t happen for us 🙂 )….everything flowed smoothly and each of us helped to get out.  The weekend was perfect.  It was beautiful and we even got sleep at night in the hotel room 🙂  It was very refreshing to all of us.  The kids were amazing too.  I knew that God was telling us, “I will take care of you…and everything is going to come together beautifully at the last moment, if need be.”  He will provide.

We have a word of mouth that we are slotted for school and are to leave in about 2 months…but no orders yet…not even a request for orders!  God had prepped my heart for this…just a year ago, several people were sharing with me their experiences of trusting God in their ‘last minute’ moves…I even witnessed a friend leaving the Army, and as the day came for them to move, they still didn’t have a solidified job, house, school, etc.  I saw the look of faith and trust in her face.  I remembered thinking, “I could never do that!!! Please, God, never have me do that!”  I like to plan, as it reduces perceived stress for me….but, if there is nothing for me to do right now (as I cannot do anything really!), all I can do is wait.  Wait for the time when we can plan and get everything done.  It is actually an unusually peaceful time for us, because we are not stressing about anything…we can’t!  🙂

God has really engrained the importance of waiting here for me…all throughout our time here.  It takes time to learn this quality.  It can only come through many opportunities of having to wait.  I want to wait with no concern of the uncertainties that lie in the future, casting my hope, my faith, my confidence, my trust in Jesus.  My eyes are FIXED on Him.  I know He will provide, no matter what happens.  And what He provides will be exactly what our family needs.

While I’m waiting…

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve you while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

–John Waller’s song: While I’m waiting

This song has played so many times for us along with “Strength will Rise as we wait Upon the Lord”….I know we are in the waiting phase…waiting to hear from Him…waiting for many different strings of God’s plans to come together in our lives to ALL MAKE SENSE!  I long for that.  I long for it all to make sense.  But, I know it will.  And I am so thankful to be able to worship HIM and serve HIM while I wait.  It is making me fall more and more in love with HIM…above all else.

A thirst for souls…

God wants us to have a thirst and hunger for the salvation of souls…as He does…and sometimes, the desire for salvation can be overwhelming for us…and of course, way outside our control.  We can only do the things God asks us to do…(plant the seeds)…and thankfully, the rest is in His hands.  There is weeping and longing…a hunger and thirst in my heart right now…and it produces earnest prayer and desire to the Lord.  My heart cries out.  I know He will hear me.  I know He wants me to feel like this for the unsaved.  But, as I cry out to Him….I release it into His loving, caring, and Sovereign hands.  I am praying confidently, bodly, lovingly, with full assurance of Salvation of the lost/suffering/and those in bondage.

Dreams…

Today has been a day of longing for me.  Longing to give it all up and follow Him.  I have that urge a lot.  But, oftentimes, He tells me, you are right where I want you at this moment.  I wonder if there will come a time.  But, I’ve come to know that it is all about Him.  As my understanding and love grows for Him, I’m content to surrender everything, even my dreams…which are ever so important to me.  So many things I feel He has put on my heart…I’ve come to know, even these are human desires.  You see, they become Godly desires when God fulfills them!  It is at that moment when you see that they truly were from the Lord.  I will not know until He fulfills them.  So, until then, as they come, I surrender them unto Him.  I say, “If these are from you My King, make them come true…bring them to fruition…and by your grace and mercy, allow me to see your Hand at Work…but for now, they are Yours.”  And each time they come, my ability to surrender grows stronger through this prayer.  God is teaching me to wait.  And I love actually being content to wait.

One of my mentors is Mother Theresa.  I’ve always been drawn to her.  I’ve always been drawn to books about her and her work as Missionaries of Charity.  I have carefully guarded my heart, as to not get consumed by my dreams to be a missionary…and haven’t allowed very much reading about it until I get the ok from the Lord, but Mother Theresa is one woman whom has always drawn me to the Lord and her work has always inspired me.  I am still carefully guarding my heart to be totally devoted to my husband and children and “oikos” right now…and any other ministry God might be calling us to…but Mother’s work always calls out to me.  I long to make vows of poverty.  I long to see Jesus in the faces of the poor.  I long to pour into the hearts of orphans, widows, and the suffering.  I feel called to a home far away…perhaps Africa…perhaps somewhere else…but I know there exists a home for our family…a place where we were designed to pour out as a family into a community that shall be a perfect fit.  And I am waiting for my perfect father in heaven…for His perfect timing…and perfect plan for our family.

I am seeing Him work in my heart in so many deep and painful ways to change me…to mold me…to give me eyes to see, ears to hear…and hands to work.  He is transforming my mind, renewing each thought to make them look like His.  He is bringing me much joy in waiting for Him, working for Him, and allowing me to witness my own transformation, and those of my husband and children.  I stand simply and adoringly amazed by Him.

Waiting brings STRENGTH

As you’ve probably noticed, I have written a lot about waiting for quite a few months now.  The Lord is teaching me so much about waiting.  As Brian was baptized, the song played, “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.”  That song has played so very much the past year for me…at home…at church…at PWOC.  God is continually reminding me that my strength will come as I wait upon the Lord.  Waiting is so very hard…and for much of this year and last…I struggled to wait.  But, something new is blossoming in my spirit.  Something that feels completely different.  Perhaps a contentment to wait?  Perhaps a confidence in waiting?  Knowing God is preparing me for something He has planned?

A sweet friend reminded me today that we are creatures of habit and even if things are difficult right now, that we are still more comfortable doing the habitual….even if it isn’t easy.  I know that if my dreams were to come true TODAY…it would be overwhelming for me.  Not the right timing.

But, still, God reminded me today to be UNWAVERING.  “I have trusted in the Lord without wavering” (Psalm 26:1b)  He reminded me that I can trust Him by knowing His love is ever before me, and walking continually in His truth (Psalm 26:3).  He also reminded me to keep myself INNOCENT…free from the snares around me (Psalm 26:4-7).

He reminded me, once again, that He will make my feet stand on level ground (Psalm 26:12).

These are things He’s often reminded me of here…that my strength will come from waiting on Him, that He will make level paths for me (as I wait!), that I must be blameless and innocent (and do whatever it takes to be free from temptation), and that I must wait with an UNWAVERING heart.  The last part is the hardest for me I think…I tend to hear God’s voice, go about obeying His Word…and then doubt when things don’t happen.  BUT, God is bringing confidence to my understanding of His Word…it is easy to be sure of God’s Voice when things happen right away.  The Lord is showing me to have confidence in waiting. Things used to happen right away as I prayed.  Immediate answers built up my faith in God…but deep faith and TRUST comes from WAITING for answers.  The building of faith and trust comes with waiting with an unwavering heart.  This is what I desire.

“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” -Psalm 27: 14

There is no wavering…no doubting in that.

Long awaited answered Prayers…

There have been prayers I have been praying for a long time here.  Prayers I couldn’t possibly understand why God wouldn’t answer quickly….I still don’t understand why it has taken so much time….but they are being answered now in HIS time and I am SO thankful.  Some of them were answered in ways I didn’t want or imagine…prayers for healing.  Also, prayers for deep desires in my heart…things that are totally glorifying to God…things that He even CALLS us to do…are coming together.  I don’t understand why I had to wait.  BUT, I think it is because He wanted to make level paths…and I am content to wait.  For now, I am really excited at what He has planned!!!  It’s so good to know after so much time (what seems like so much time to me, but probably is not a lot of time to many of you out there!), HE REALLY DOES COME THROUGH.  When He says to WAIT…it is WORTH it.

I will make level paths for you…

I went for a run the other day…hoping to get back into shape 🙂  And as I was running, I told the Lord that this time, I would try to be quiet and hear His voice.  I am sure He smiles every single time I say that to Him….but, between my pleas and worries in prayer to Him…and not really keeping too quiet, I did manage to hear something He gave me to focus on…but I didn’t really understand what it meant.  So I asked Him to show me and left it at that.

He said to me, “I will make level paths for you.”  Level paths?  I was looking at the surface I was running on at the moment…and it wasn’t quite level…and then I thought to the spiritual…and saw some similarities…but, I still didn’t understand.

Being the ever gracious Lord He is…He explained it further to me.  I climbed into my car…and turned on the radio…and there was a pastor/speaker talking about level paths.  He said it meant that God would go BEFORE you and smooth out everything for you.  I thought of the Israelites…crossing the Red Sea.  God didn’t make them overcome that obstacle as the Egyptians are chasing them down.  He PARTED the sea and then took care of their enemies for them too.

Much of my life lately hasn’t felt on solid ground…on level paths.  It has seemed like I have been trying to overcome obstacles…and I am weary of it.  I NEED the Lord to make level paths for me.  I am so thankful He does go before us…He works in the hearts of others…He works in circumstances…but sometimes it does take time.  And I have learned, if I don’t wait…and go forth too soon…the paths aren’t quite level yet and I experience unnecessary pain.  I am very content to let God do the tough work…and trusting in Him to make level paths for me right now.  And He will tell me when the time is right…and what I am meant to do.

Resting in Him

I love how it feels to rest in the Lord.  To give everything to Him, to wait, to trust, to feel His presence and peace.  To just rest.  Sabbath days for me, especially the past year or so, have become a deliberate day of rest.  Sometimes, things come up that have to be dealt with, but most of the time, God does give me that chance to rest on His special day of rest.

It is hard for me to picture what our lives will look like this summer, this fall, and through our PCS move to Kansas after the holdiays.  There are so many moving pieces, so many questions on my mind.  There are too many questions really.  So, I am giving it all to Him, through much prayer and dependance….and learning to REST in Him.  He will tell me everything I need to know when I need to know it.  And truly, if I did know it all, it would be way too overwhelming for me!  I thank the Lord that He knows what I can handle…and when I can handle it 🙂

What a beautiful day this is.  God is working in special ways in my life right now and I feel the seasons of change coming…in my heart and around me….things are changing.  I wonder what will change and what things will look like.  I wonder what He has planned.

I am resting in the fact that His plans are always wonderful…and am waiting for Him to prepare the way.

The Dance of Life :-)

As my husband and I were dancing at a ball a few weeks ago…all dressed up in uniform and dress 🙂 …I kept thinking about which way Brian would go next…and hoping to not go the wrong way.  Ok, I’ll admit, it is hard for me to follow his lead.  I love to dance and I’ve danced with several guys who like to dance.  My brother and I actually took dancing lessons together in college 🙂  But, my sweet husband is very hard for me to follow!!!  I wanted to take a break and tell him which way to go…but I knew that wouldn’t work out so well.  It reminded me of my difficulties in waiting for God to take the lead.

I have a strong will 🙂 and I often have a vision of what I like and where I want to go…I feel God’s voice speak to me clearly…but as I look back on my life…I oftentimes did not wait for Him to make the move.  I did hear Him clearly.  But, I didn’t wait…and that had consequences for me.  As I was dancing with Brian, I felt the Lord whisper to me…wait for him to make the move.  I wanted to cry out…but I don’t know where he is going…it is so unpredictable!  Oh, the joys of dancing 🙂  And what a dance life is.  In this season of waiting, I am tempted so much to make the move….to make things happen.  I know better than that now.  I know to listen and then pray and wait.

May the Lord lead us romantically, gently, and unexpectedly through this beautiful and challenging Dance of Life.  And May we WAIT FOR HIM TO MAKE THE MOVE.