This has always been a mystery to me! The Lord as my husband? I have come to know Him more and more here in the desert as my husband. My sweet earthly husband is so wonderful to me! Here, he’s gone two weeks out of every month in the field…and when he comes home, that silly radio rings off the hook…it just never stops…so I’ve come to release turning to him in my neediness…and turning to the Lord instead.
This field exercise was the best yet so far, as I learn to depend on Jesus for everything. It was just as hard though circumstantial wise. Hours of screaming from Hannah this morning as a fire ant bit her toe (a lesson learned in obedience the tough way unfortunately, poor child, I told her and Lewis several times that red ants get mad if you try to drown them or stomp on them…), many frustrating experiences, things breaking, so many projects went unfinished…one I spent hours preparing got lost on the computer the next morning, many workouts missed, my body is tired, my patience thinned, BUT I learned, each and every time my heart began straying from the path, to get on my knees and pray for help and deliverance.
The Lord has shown me how to sense when my heart is straying oftentimes…He has given me the gift of self awareness in that sense…I feel the discouragement, frustration, numbness, apathy in my heart…and I force my steps to open the Word or pray…and sometimes, the Lord forces me. The other day I went to the computer for distraction when the kiddies were napping…and it wouldn’t even turn on. I tried to print something for homeschooling and it wouldn’t work either. It kept breaking worse and worse the harder I tried to make it work (I can be pretty determined…). I sat down frustrated again and prayed and read the Word. Halfway through a proverb, the computer turned on and the printer started working AND printing!!! 🙂 He lifts my eyes to turn to Him over and over again.
I’ve learned to depend on Him for protection and provision of our family. I do my absolute best to provide that when Brian is gone…but I saw the Lord give my kids the most amazing little sweet spirits while I was cooking meals or cleaning up or in the moments when I really needed a break. They would skip away and play sweetly while I finished up my work, checking on them to make sure they were still being good. I can tell when the Holy Spirit is present in them…He gives them the sweetest, most cooperative spirits….it is such a sweet gift of grace to me. Knowing the Lord in this way helps me know Him more intimately. It draws me closer to Him in knowing how He really is everything to all of us.
I cannot believe how big our God is. I am praising Him for allowing me to know Him in a new and most wonderful way–as my sweet husband, the lover of my soul, provider and protecter, my strength and shield.