I love the imperfect. Imperfection is becoming more and more beautiful to me every day. I love that God is strong in my weakness and imperfection and I love seeing the world through God’s eyes…and when He creates something that “seems” imperfect to the human eye, it is the most beautiful in His eyes.
As I have been going through my days the past week, I have seen a lot of “imperfect” things–people who were made differently than what others would call “normal.” These moments were my “still” moments, where I heard God powerfully speak to me—either in the moment or afterward–“Be Still and Know That I am God.” They were more special moments than the others in my day…moments of awe at His creation. It is the imperfect that draws us subconciously closer to God, because somewhere deep inside we know that we are not at all perfect ourselves, that He still created us beautifully, and that there is something not quite right with our souls longing for perfection in a human way, missing who God really is—HE is perfect, but some things He made might not look symmetrically beautiful the way our eyes see, but they are most beautiful to Him…and should be to us too. It as if the imperfect people or things draw God out like a magnifying glass….saying HERE I AM—I rest HERE, in the IMPERFECT. Our imperfection draws out the perfect in God…..and He is glorified.
As a new mommy of 3, I am re-learning God’s ways….I am fully engaged in mommy hood again and loving it. It is one of the most beautiful, most satisfying things to have realized my God-given calling. I truly know I am exactly where I am meant to be, where I was created and developed just right for. I love being a homemaker and mommy……BUT there are many things involved in it that I am just plain not good at! There is also something deeply sanctifying about having multiple little children! I am learning to release the mommy guilt, to rest and really trust in the Lord, to develop more patience, long suffering, grace, tolerance, deep love, and to deal with my deep inadequacies in loving my husband and children. Each day I am faced with the limitations of each day….and faced with the limitations of me–my memory, my two hands, my energy level…everything…people are SO limited!!! Each morning I wake up, I ask God to help me love them more. Each day, I have to make thousands of choices to serve God or myself….and I long to make those choices to serve God…but I am faced at the end of each day with how many times I chose to go my own way. I love learning and truly accepting the fullness of God’s grace though. It helps me move on and keep laboring in the Lord.
Transitioning to 3 has been MUCH easier than transitioning to 2 for me, although I know there are many different phases and battles ahead. I can say it is easier, though, because even after waking up nearly every hour of the night last night, I STILL feel it is easier!!! I’ve been pondering this the past few days and I think it is partially because of circumstance and partially from a deepened faith. I am so thankful for all the ways God is making this happen for me. The other day, I was saddened by some of the events of the day, and thinking maybe my big dreaming can get me in trouble sometimes….but yesterday at church, I was encouraged to keep dreaming BIG…in fact, the pastor said, “Do not stop dreaming big with God.” I began dreaming again…although it can be hard some days to not give up on your dreams…but God keeps me dreaming big and I can’t wait to see what He has in store for us in the future….maybe 5 kids….with twins on the way??? 🙂 Don’t tell Brian. 😉
We’re loving 3 right now and are very content with our new family!!!
Beauty to our family is being redefined right now and we are loving seeing beauty through God’s eyes.