The greatest Surrender I have endured thus far.

Surrender…this used to be such a painful word, a painful reminder that I felt when God whispered to me this word..I would realize that I am holding on too tight…fear that I would not be able to obey…to actually surrender….but now, in the eve before my final mediation with my husband in the brink of our divorce…what have I to do? After many, many attempts to reconcile to a blank stare, or downright rejection…I have nothing else to do, but to lay my marriage down at the altar of Jesus Christ. Although I know there are struggles in our marriage, and I am aware that marriage was designed to be sanctifying…I am also aware that it takes two. When one partner stops doing (loving), wanting (to love), believing (in love)…the establishment of marriage ends. No matter how much you want it to work, no matter how much you pray and fast, no matter how much you read, no matter how much you want. IT ends.

I wake up thanking God that I am still on the Christian path, still running the race. I thank God that He is sustaining me. I thank God that He has numerous people praying for me.

I have been honest with others, giving the main details, asking for prayer, receiving incredible comfort…but yet, I wake up each day with the painful reality that my situation has not changed (to the eye right now). God has provided, though, and comforted me and will continue to provide. I thank God that Brian and I really never argued over money and this is continuing to be a blessing. I know, however, that anything can happen moving forward. I know not what the future brings. But…I have God and His GREAT and PRECIOUS PROMISES. And I believe in them with all my heart tonight. I am gripping onto them!! This is something I DO NOT HAVE TO SURRENDER…RELEASE. I can hold on to Him and WHO HE IS and HIS PROMISES to me in Scripture and His personal promises to me. I thank God that His will is good and this is the verse that is on my mind tonight.

Romans 8:28 “God works all things together for the good of those who love Him who are called according to His purpose.”

Hebrews 10:35: PERSEVERE and FIGHT TO DO THE WILL OF GOD. This is my mission for tomorrow. As Beth Moore says, I must fight to accomplish His will. It will not come naturally for me or others. I must remember God’s Word and fight for His Will to be done in my mind and in my conversations with others.

I am bringing my Bible in with me into mediation tomorrow.  There will be lots of paperwork…there will be lots of negotiating…a business deal to end nearly 11 years of devoting myself to someone. At least I can bring something worthy in with me into such a hard experience.

Ephesians 4:17: “Do not live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds…their hearts are darkened…chasing after many passions…”

You know we all are passionate about something…whether about God or the worldly pleasures of life…I want to CHASE after God…even if it costs me greatly.  Who is more worthy than God?  Does He not see all things?  Is He not OUR CREATER?  He knows more than anything what will satisfy. I thank Him that HE CAN SATISFY ME.

I am sensing God has a great plan for me this year.  I felt it in the depth of my spirit on New Year’s Eve…in the midst of all odds, He still reassured me that this will be a great year.  I think it is simply because He is God and can make anything great, anything beautiful.

Lord, I pray your Spirit move me tomorrow to do your will despite what may come.  I live, and move, and have my being in YOU. Amen.