This might not be a topic you would expect to see from a Christian woman…but I think it pretty much sums up the past two years and how I have honestly felt! My faith tempers me in extraordinary ways, but deep down, I honestly feel quite mad! Mad at lies. Mad at injustice. Mad at sin. Mad, mad mad! I am mad at the sin I see around me, I am mad at the sin within.
I heard Beth Moore say recently in a video series she and her team at LifeWay made on the Bible Book “Esther,” if something happened between she and her husband, Keith, she’d be mad as a hornet for awhile, and then she return to ministry. Well, I am still a bit mad as a hornet, but I feel the feeling beginning to die down. I am thankful for the way God is focusing me right now on teaching, making plans for the future, writing a book, running, spending quality time with my kids, learning ways to save and make money, and just to REST in Him. I love God. I really, really do. I cannot think of anything I could fill up the space of my heart than Him.
I hope to find someone someday who loves God the same way I do. To have someone who is not just compatible, but has a deep relationship with God and a vision for the future that I can share and be excited about. That is my prayer, to be equally yoked, but in the meantime, God is an amazing husband and I am leaning into Him and seeing amazing things He is doing each day in my life. I’ve often felt God giving me a gift of faith for each challenging situation that I was placed in, but I have never imagined I would need to have this much faith. The truth of it is God gives us faith, as much as we need, for every situation we face. He gives us encouragement and hope and everything we need. I can truly expect this every day of my life because God is good and He is unchanging.
I’m not daily mad as a hornet anymore and thankful for that. It can be so hard when there are real and tangible things to upset you daily, however, I am grateful to have influence over my oikos right now and to help determine the course of our future. With God on the throne, caring deeply for each of us, I feel safe to drive this ship forward in a positive direction.