In SEP, my children’s dad will be gone for two years. I was informed one week ago. What is one to do with this kind of news? All I could think of was what I have learned from God over and over again. You are good, Lord. All things work together for the good of those who love you. You will provide for us. You have a good plan for us in all of this. But, when life is hard and has been hard for several years and you know it is only going to get harder….it leaves a quick question that I know better than to ask of God. Why?
I just bought Lewis, my 9 year old son, this book called “Why?” He has so many questions and wants to know so much about so many things…the inquisitive mind rarely takes a break! I thought a simple answer to this continual process was to give him a book to read about all sorts of answers to curious questions in science, history, geography, etc. He is loving this book and it makes me smile because it is the general question I have underlying my outward and inward lining of trust towards God. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I love Him. Yes, I have sought with all my heart to obey Him. But, Why does life have to continually be SO very hard? I worked hard as a youth, I worked hard in college, I worked hard when I graduated. I worked hard to be the best wife and mom I could be and yet I find myself in the toughest situation where life is continually physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, HARD. All the time. During all of this, I have to finish my masters, find a great job that I hope I will love and am fully suited for, and continue to be the glue for my kids to stick together with me as a mostly single mom. I have to answer questions I don’t want to answer with other people, and have precarious situations that I’d love to avoid. Why God? I cannot think of a time when I walked in obvious disobedience.
God keeps my face stuck in Job and Psalms and is singing a chorus over me daily. I sense His love for me in very deep ways. It is so stabilizing. What use is it being mad? Yes, what happened was so, so wrong. But, I trust God will sort that all out in time. He told me “my anger is restrained and unleashed at the proper time.” I trust God with this. I believe in His mercy also. I need it too.
So, what next? I’ve told my precious 3. I’ve told them how God will show up in even closer, amazing ways to get us through this. I’ve told them how our church will help us, how mommy’s friends and family will help us, how we will learn to be strong and wise and perseverant. How we will not just survive, but thrive and how God’s supernatural protection over us will guard us. I believe and I think they do too. If not, I pray my faith for all 4 of us will suffice.
Lord God, thank-you for the gift of faith. Thank-you for races, great teachers, a great apartment complex, friends and family, our sweet church, and your HOLY SPIRIT most of all. Thank-you for never leaving us or forsaking us. You are GOOD. And, lastly, God, thank-you that you are the God of hope, filling us with all peace and joy as we overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. We have HOPE because you are ALIVE!!! You have power to do anything you WILL. We pray you give us an amazing two years, Lord, supernaturally, miraculously, that you will do something unbelievable because of who you are. We, as your beloved children, PRAY. God show up for us like never before.