This past Thanksgiving was our one year anniversary of being in the desert here in California. I reflected that morning about God’s purpose for me and our family here in the desert over the past year. It has truly been a time of testing and refinement. It has been a time where the Enemy has attacked. It has been a time where we have been shown how much sin there is in our lives. It has been humbling, challenging, lonely, and a BATTLE.
If there is any one word I could use to describe this past year for us…it would be a BATTLE. I have been battling making the right choices. Parenting our son has been one long 3 year battle…(ok 2 year battle…). I have questioned so much and God has clarified…but in a painstaking way! Most of His answers to me have been to wait, surrender, or trust and obey. He has shown me His hand to me in the past and how things would have been a little different if I would have made better choices in the past…but He is also showing me His amazing grace and redemption right now and for the future–that there truly is nothing that can separate me from His love. God is stripping me of everything and rebuilding me from scratch. He is teaching me some really important lessons here. It is so painful!
BUT, where there is a battle…and if the Lord is involved…there is VICTORY!!! This is the sweetest part of this past year. God is giving me victory over so much sin in my life. He is reforming my perception of so many things. He is giving me glimpses of the future, but then testing me to wait. I kept saying all day the past few days to Him, “I want to pass your tests! You are going to help me pass your tests!” I am so tired of falling prey to the Enemy. I am so tired of his age old ploys to tempt me to be a slave to sin. I don’t want to sin anymore. I am so sick and tired of sinning! I don’t want to be easily tempted. I don’t want to be fickle or weak. I want to be STRONG in Him. I want to be lovely, vulnerable, delicate, graceful, and gentle and quiet…but STRONG!!!!! This is my greatest desire right now. I don’t care what test the Lord has for me right now. I want to pass it. I don’t want to complain. I don’t want to have pity for myself. I don’t want to think about all the “whys”, “if onlys” or “what ifs” anymore. I want to be CONTENT in what He has for me right now. I want to focus on Him and what He wants me to do RIGHT now. He will help me with how to process the past (in good time) and how to plan the future (all the things that He has planned for me). I know He is going to help me and carry me. I know His love for me is unfathomable. Now is the time to trust. Now is the time to have faith. Now is the time to be resolute. No challenge that comes our way is going to take our eyes off our Savior…by His grace. NOTHING can separate us from HIS LOVE. NOTHING.
He will go before me and pave the way. He will make my steps graceful and resolute. And when I cannot go any further, He will pick me up and carry me. He is my King.
Be all your King has planned for you to be. Trust in Him. Hooah 🙂