One thing, if more than any other, I am learning right now is to be obedient to the Holy Spirit’s leading. I have really been in a confusing and different place this past year than I EVER have before. God has given me much clarity, but has told me to WAIT on so many things (which can lead me to be confused!!!). He has taken many meaningful things from me. He has set me apart for His will. I have really struggled to be obedient to His Spirit the past year. I have never been led in this way, along this path before, so I have questioned so much. I have played things out in my head so many times. I have prayed away!!! I have even been disobedient because I couldn’t possibly imagine the Lord wanting me to do the things I’ve been sensing in my heart from Him. And, ‘my heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9)’, so I have really had to test what I’ve been feeling to make SURE it is from Him. So, really, the only things I can completely rely on right now are: 1) Prayer 2) His Word. BOTH are leading me to a different place right now…and it is a very lonely place. I still cannot understand why the Lord is leading me in the direction He has me going right now. It is not natural. It is not desirable. But, as I obey, He pours out His Spirit upon me and showers me with blessing and a (little) more understanding. I want so much more. But, He is not giving it to me right now.
I am learning to obey and not draw conclusions. I don’t know “why” and may never know “why”….I don’t even want to demand to know “why”…that is just not the direction I am going in my faith right now. I want to be less needy….require less miracles for my faith to be strong, demand less, question less, and JUST BELIEVE. I want to put those childish ways behind me (1 Corinthians 13:11) and go forth with confidence. I cannot know the “whys,” but I am learning to distinguish His voice to me, and, through prayer, distinguish His will for me in each decision for each day. I am walking blindly by faith…’sure of what I hope for, certain of what I do not see.’ (Hebrews 11:1)
Other people may not understand the direction the Lord has me going (I barely can, so I understand!), but I have tested the direction He has me on…and it certainly seems to be from Him, so I am ready to continue, come what may. I have learned to obey His voice, without fully understanding the “whys”, and I do not expect others to understand either. But, hopefully, with time, it will all become apparant, and He can say of me, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:21).” I cannot even imagine the Lord God in Heaven saying this of me…but it is what I desire…above all things….come what may. He has PROVEN His love to me over and over…and I don’t need any more proof. I love Him too. May I continue to need less and less FROM Him, and do more and more FOR Him. May God give me the Strength to keep going blindly in faith and to follow His leading no matter how challenging it may be.