Tonight, as my son had a total meltdown over candy (he has a heart after his mama’s for sweet things!!!), and was totally OUT OF CONTROL…I was totally humbled. I was saying goodbye to my little AWANA friends as their parents were coming to pick them up…and low and behold, my little boy came in with his heart SET on eating that V-day candy that his sweet Puggles teacher gave him RIGHT then. He must have waited to open it all the way from his Puggles room to the sanctuary where I was at with my team…and mommy told him to wait until after dinner…..that set off the tears and flailing hands…which continued to flail all the way to the car…and home.
I was humbled as a parent and teacher!!! In the aftermath, there are things I could have done differently…and should have done differently. The Lord helped me keep my calm…but that was about it that was done right! As I pulled into our garage…Lewis was still crying, “I’m ready to make right choices!” I started crying too. I wished I had done things a bit differently. Tears of embarrassment and humiliation came streaming down my face….BUT, as I cried, I REMEMBERED something….
A wonderful thought came forth that stopped the tears….”wow, it’s really been a while since I have been so humiliated by my son like this!” It used to happen EVERY SINGLE day. All day some days!!! I got so used to people thinking I was a terrible mom. I had SO many incidents of looks, comments, even a screaming grandma at a playground who asked me if I was teaching my son to be a bully! It really impacted my life so much that I literally spent most of the year at home working with him to relieve some of his frustration and struggle and to prevent stress and embarassment in public situations (and the other kids from being hurt). His teacher at school even wanted him to have an evaluation to know what was troubling him and how to help him better. Just a few months later, he is SO much better. His time at school is filled with positive reports. His time around other kids is fulfilling and enjoyable for him (he’s a really sociable boy!)…thank the Lord. He really doesn’t have very many moments any more. He’s an INCREDIBLE kid at a few months past 3 (I have to brag a little about him!!! I said to my husband last night, that I wasn’t a 10th of the kid that he is right now!!! I really don’t deserve him based off my track record…but that is God’s amazing grace.
It’s so easy to think sometimes that I might be a “good” parent. But, it is funny to me that no one would have thought I was a “good” parent the past year or so. Now that God’s grace and discipline has had a chance to work through my little boy’s heart and mind…he’s turning into a phenomenal kid. But, that doesn’t make me a “good” parent though! My parenting abilities don’t depend on my kids’ behavior…otherwise, each day might be different! My parenting abilities really depend on how faithful I am to do what God tells me to do…and God’s incredible ENABLEMENT, GRACE and His individual plan for my kids. Some kids are destined to be a certain way….no matter what the parents do…but God’s way of parenting and desire for them can still refine them to be pleasing to HIM. And that is my GOAL for my kids. I want them to follow God’s plan for them, particular to their personality…and to someday hear from the Lord in some way or form…that they are PLEASING to HIM. That would make me feel like the mother of the year! That somehow, no matter how sinful and inadequate I am as a mommy and person, that the Lord’s plan for them would happen and in a way that would make Him proud.
Parenting is very humbling. But, that humility is so beautiful and necessary for us to have. It is good for us to be humbled….even if it does make me cry every now and then when it happens!