As I read this verse below, I understood it in a different way this morning during my quiet time,
“My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forever more.” -Psalm 131: 1-3
This verse has meant different things to me over the years, and a while ago, I saw that it meant that I shouldn’t concern myself with things the Lord didn’t want me concerned about—which could be a variety of things! I saw that doing this came from proud and haughty eyes. I re-focused my eyes on what HE put in my path and my mind to think about and tried to stay focused on that. I have the propensity to think about all sorts of things… 🙂 God has given me a bit of an imagination, and while it can be very fun oftentimes, it can sometimes get me into wrong thinking if I don’t focus on taking my thoughts captive to Christ.
This morning, however, it spoke to me in a different way. I focused in on the “weaned child” part ( it is appropriate to my life right now), and thought, what is the difference between a weaned child and a nursing child that has to do with this verse and the point the writer was conveying about the Lord?
My baby girl has been pulling at my shirt lately asking for more (which I really don’t like, so I am thinking about the weaning process!), and I was in a long phase of wanting, needing, and demanding for more from God. The season He had me going through made me very much like a nursing (and sad) baby! (My husband’s nickname for me is actually big baby…) I kept needing more from Him. Show me more of your plans for me. Show me more of your love for me. Show me your power and might…increase my boundaries and give me work to do that is CLEAR for your Kingdom. I needed SO MUCH MORE from Him. I literally wanted to hear from Him all day long. It was a confusing and anxious place to be. It wasn’t peaceful and trusting and content with waiting.
Lately, as the pain has eased up a bit, I have been able to rest and trust more in Him and not be so demanding. I still need a lot from Him! But, I am not demanding it. Hannah will still need me a lot after she is weaned. She will still need milk too. But, she will get it at appropriate times, not all throughout the day or through tears. She is learning to WAIT for it. She is becoming more secure in my love for her and is beginning to trust that I will take care of her and I am not out to get her (although she still thinks I am sometimes!!!).
God IS with me all throughout the day…but I cannot demand to see Him or look for Him in ways that I want Him to be there…He will be there in awesome and powerful ways when He determines the time is appropriate. Just like the milk is always there for Hannah, He is always there for me (except in more amazing ways!!!)…and He will choose to display His splendor and majesty and extravagant love for me when HE chooses (and when He knows I need it and the time is perfect). He is my strength and love all day long…and He never stops enabling me…but, sometimes, I just don’t see that milk sitting right there to be taken. I have to trust. I have to believe. And I have to wait.
I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. I AM putting my HOPE and TRUST in the Lord both now and forevermore…knowing that He is ALWAYS there. He doesn’t have to prove it to me. I believe.