I long to have more intimacy with Jesus. I long to know Him more….to love Him more….to spend more time with Him. I know that more intimacy will heal all the areas of my life that need healing–all my broken-heartedness, and will satisfy every part of me–all my neediness, all my longing for attention, compassion, understanding…and so much more. More intimacy IS the answer to everything. I will never be “too much” because He can handle all of me. I will never be “too emotional” because He can handle my emotions (He created me for goodness sakes 🙂 ), and I can release all control to Him, because I will know Him more, love Him more, and TRUST Him more.
I am tempted to think too much the more I know the Word. In fact, I am tempted to be “puffed up,” to be overly confident, and to even place a high value on my understanding of the Word. It is sooo dangerous and I am very scared to go down that path. I know it is a path covered with curses and not blessings. I should be drawing nearer and nearer to humility, to complete dependance on the Lord, to a greater awareness of my lack of understanding, to a safe place to be more vulnerable, and to a place of being still and quiet and gentle. When I am not doing these things, I know I am not putting the truths of the Bible into practice.
Intimacy with Jesus brings the power of the Holy Spirit and the more I come to know Him, the more I cannot live without Him. When He departs from me, it is agony. When I don’t spend time with the Lord, it is agony. This is the greatest way I feel my complete dependance….God has been showing me here and there what life is like without His help, His blessing, and His Spirit. It is so scary and so lonely that I literally cannot get by. I will never forget what that felt like to go through a period of time where I didn’t feel Him. I never want to feel that way again. I still don’t know why I went through that experience….but all I know is that it is drawing me to a greater awareness of my need for Him in every area of my life…all throughout my day.
I long for intimacy…and where it is lacking in the world, it is abundant in Christ.