The past week has been rough….Daddy has been gone a LOT (this has been the toughest rotation yet)…both kids and I have been sick with tough colds all week….the wind has kicked up each day to blow everything away….and Hannah has been teething and screaming all the time 😦 It seems like we keep getting to this point where we are all just barely surviving without daddy and getting sick each month…getting to the point of total exhaustion way too often….
BUT, a hero has EMERGED!!!! And it is Lewis!!!! (And teddy, of course!) Seriously, this little boy could not be more help to me…he does the laundry, he mops floors ( 🙂 ), he LOVES his sister like I have never seen a brother love on a sister before…he plays with her, rejoices with her strides in learning to walk, DELIGHTS to be with her (and cries when she has to go down for a nap…), he carries groceries for me, he holds open doors for me, he makes me ice cream towers out of legos, tells me he loves me and misses me all day long, sings me and sissy songs, helps me change sissy’s diapers, is starting to go potty all by himself (yeah!), gets “night night” for sissy each and every time I forget to bring it upstairs to put sissy down for a nap, and brings so much JOY and FUN to our lives. I am so very proud of him. I really feel so undeserving to have a child like him. It is totally God’s grace and love lavished upon me. It hasn’t been easy getting to this point…it’s been hard work…but God has transformed him into a boy that I KNOW is pleasing to Him.
Songs are on his heart for the Lord all the time. He loves to dance for the Lord each and every day. He often gives God “gifts.” He thinks about God often and explains complicated spiritual concepts to me…I have no idea how his little brain can encompass or remember them…. And as I was singing the song to him, “On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand,” he asked me what sinking sand was….I explained it the best way I could to a 3 year old…I said, “it is sand that will EAT you up!” He said with giggles…and then a bit serious…, “But, Jesus will not eat me up…” (That one wasn’t so spiritually complex!!! But VERY funny 🙂 )
He delights in being strong right now. He talks about being big like daddy and Jesus often. And he wants so much to be strong. God has cultivated an incredibly obedient heart in him over time, and I am totally astonished at his desire to obey now. He makes me want to be so much better of a mommy. I often think of Mary and Joseph…how incredible the burden upon them to parent God’s way…to a child who knew the Father so intimately. I don’t match up to God’s standard for me as a parent. Each and every day, there are a handful of moments when I know I didn’t do what God wanted me to do…it is so humbling. One of my favorite songs right now is that song, “I’m in over my head, I’m right where I belong…” It is in this humble state, that God chooses to pour out HIS strength, His grace, and His blessing. Mary, said, after being told she would carry Jesus as a virgin…”I thank God for seeing me in my lowly state.” Proverbs tells us that “God gives grace to the humble, but opposes the proud.” Truly. I feel it in the depths of me…and I want to remain consistently and genuinely humble forever…depending on HIM for everything.