In the words of the song I listened to this morning at our church, “Stength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.” That is exactly where I am right now…in the waiting season for several things I hold dear to my heart. Many times, I have no strength and no will to wait. I have natural devotion, but that doesn’t make for a very good disciple, as Peter learned the hard way…but God will be my strength and I WILL learn to wait upon the Lord.
Many doors have shut and are shutting here for us…but as doors are shutting, others are opening. It is painful to have doors shut where there is much hope and anticipation…but we are being called where God wants us. There has been so much doubt, so much confusion, so much wanting those doors to be OPEN! But, they are shut and have been in painful ways…and I cannot understand it…however, God is bringing forth beauty in other areas…and still calling us to WAIT.
I have been reflecting on the blessings of waiting…and I think to wait…and not know…is one of the most spiritually cleansing processes available. In this season of waiting, oftentimes God has given me glimpses of hope…and I have in my head gotten SO excited that things would finally change and be different…this has happened so much….but instead of a total change, God had in mind to give me hope each time to get me to the next wicket. I am now learning to not EXPECT anything SPECIFIC….but just expect great things from the Lord (because He is SOOO great!!! And longs to lavish His love on His children!).
There is much cleansing in my heart right now. So much I have learned and so much more to learn….all the while being led into the desert and in the midst of much spiritual attack. There is so much blessing that has come from it…mostly learning to depend completely on the Lord. God has called me to re-focus on the areas that He wants me focused on right now and to give 100% to them and to release everything else to Him. He has put much on my heart for the future…and then told me to wait. If I really think about it, to focus on a few areas at a time, allows me to give 100%. And these areas are clearly where God wants me to be focused on right now. I see MUCH fruit. I see MUCH growth. Every other area is not available…and there is much longing…and much sadness…and much loss…but still, it allows me to give an undivided heart to my Saviour and my husband and children. And that is my highest calling as a house wife. I am totally excited to be a homemaker and totally surrounded by God’s love as I look into their eyes. What a high calling He has given me!!!! I pray He makes me faithful…I am so unworthy…so undeserving…and so far from His standard….but it is only possible to be holy…because HE is holy. He will do the work in my heart. I long to look back someday with more understanding and clarity…and not so much pain…but I am going to live out each day with the joy of knowing it will all make sense and that He has/had the BEST plans for me…to love me and prosper me…not to harm me. I know it will be joyous to look back and I am walking blindly (but deliberately) in faith in Him and His wonderful plans for me and my family.
May His Will be done in my life.