Our dreams must be purified and refined. Our hearts must be content with where we are right now (in everything). In the places our hearts are longing, our expectation (hope) comes from Him to make all things right in those areas in His perfect timing. Our dreams will come about unexpectedly, and that is the way it is meant to me…lest it be about us and not for His glory.
Doesn’t it make sense though, even if it hurts? If my children ask me over and over for the things they want…I usually tell them “when mommy sees you content with what mommy has given you right now, mommy will choose to bestow on you many more blessings when you least expect it.” Lewis is just beginning to understand this. And so am I 🙂
It’s so hard to keep our hearts in that place…that fine line of wanting to be used, but just for God’s glory…and also to know that we are really of no use to God….He doesn’t need us, He can easily do it Himself! Brian and I have been talking about having humble hearts. What does that look like? We can’t try to be humble. It is something that just has to be present in our hearts. It is a deep awareness that we are simply of no use to Him…He simply wants to use us because He loves us! I mentioned that it is hard to walk around knowing that we are of no use to God. He surely doesn’t want us to walk around discouraged or depressed. But, this is the part where God lifts our eyes to Him…where He says to us…I want to use you, but not because of you, but because of Me. That is just simply who God is. He longs to be in relationship with us. It’s really all for His glory. And we can be a part of that! But we have to want to be a part of it for HIS glory…All it takes is hearts to seek Him and His glory; willing hearts and humble hearts.
I have a heart like Peter’s and a mind like Pauls I think 🙂 And I hope to have a countenance like Mary’s (‘thank-you Lord for calling me out of my lowly estate’). My heart says “I love you Lord!” But, just as the Lord said to Peter, “Do you love (Agape love) me Peter? Do you love (agape) love me Peter? Do you love (fileo) me Peter? This is after the denial and they are on the beach..Christ is resurrected…and Peter’s so excited, he jumps out out of the boat and drags a ton of fish on the shore to see His Lord and best friend again. But, He is reminded of this huge failure…this huge shame that he had in denying the Lord….He did say He would do anything for Him, right? That he would die for Him? But, instead he denied Him. 3 times. Jesus asked him 3 times. He reminded Peter that Agape love only comes from the Father…and all that Peter could ever have for Him was fileo love (brotherly love, affectionate love). True Love only comes from the Father…we simply aren’t capable of it. Peter’s heart was broken. Jesus is building Peter up again telling Peter, he can have that agape kind of love for Jesus if Peter turns to the Father for it. Peter is humbled and becomes dependent on the Lord for true love. His broken heart is build back up and he goes on to be the Rock of the church. His passion was put to great use…but it was redirected for God’s glory….before God could use him.
The Lord has to break hearts to make them right again. He has come to bind up the broken hearted and use them for His glory and the glory of His Kingdom.
My heart is being broken and remolded into a heart that is pleasing to the Lord. My desires and dreams and longings are being released unto the Lord. He has replaced my sin with His righteousness, given me a heart of contentment and peace and joy. My heart is unexpectedly waiting…my hope is in my Lord (not my dreams!)…my desire is for my life to be used for His glory.
And lastly, the Lord talked to me about leadership being about servanthood. I went to a school on leadership. It is something that keens my interest. I long to shepherd hearts….to love people and lead people in a quiet way, towards the Lord. What does true leadership look like? It’s meant so many different things to me over the years. It looks very different to me now. I long for a heart to be a servant. Unnoticed, insignificant…not drawing attention, but simply desiring to pour out for Jesus. HE came to serve….and He was God. Why should I long for anything different?
My life is not my own.