This heart is so precious to me…it is so soft and beautiful…so full of love. God is transforming his heart and mine. He is teaching me to love him more than anything (obedience, meeting a certain standard of behavior or schooling, etc)…and I feel so blessed to love him and to be loved by him, and especially, to get to witness the beautiful relationship this little boy has with his Saviour. He asks me questions about God all the time…detailed questions I am usually totally incapable of answering…by God’s grace I guess some of them make sense! He loves to help me, save me, protect me, and to be with me always. When I go away from him to do something, he always follows. He loves to open doors for me and everyone else. He cooks with me, gardens with me, takes care of the house with me, does school with me, plays with me, and misses me terribly when I am not around. He is so tender with me and loves me so deeply. He tells me things are ok when I am sad or frustrated and dries my tears when I cry. He is diligent, hard-working, brave, industrious, kind, and loves his family so much. He is an incredible big brother. He has been wanting more siblings the past year and asks us about this all the time….and also asks us every now and then to adopt another child who doesn’t have a mommy or daddy. We tell him we are waiting for God’s timing. We are looking forward to that timing 🙂
After his birthday the other week…he sat with the presents people so graciously gave him. We have never done presents before…except a few at his first birthday…so this was a new thing for him. Brian and I prayed as to whether this was the right thing for his 4th birthday, and we saw that it was. As he sat surrounded by them the next morning…his eyes filled with tears….and he kept saying, “Mommy, I can’t believe this, I can’t believe this.” I explained to him that God loves him SO much and has chosen to pour out His love to him in this way on his 4th birthday…and all of it will be something for him by which to remember God’s love to him. He said in response, “Mommy, I’m going to give Jesus a big hug when I get to heaven and I am going to try hard to be nicer and nicer everyday.”
The party itself was big…the largest one we’ve ever had. We talked to him about being a gracious host and making sure his guests were enjoying themselves—he knew it wasn’t about him. He loved sharing it with his best bud, Deacon. They both turned 4 together on the same day. They have come to really know and love each other. Everything about the party was so blessed and precious. The food was prayed over…the cake was incredible and made by a woman who loves the Lord and prayed over every aspect of that cake! She is amazing to me. Her love was poured out for our boys. Decorations were donated by sweet friends. The kids loved the bouncy castles, the obstacle course, the food, the cake and ice cream, the games, the candy…it seemed that everyone was having a good time celebrating together. I absolutely loved planning the party together with my friend, Heather Hart. She is an amazing homemaker, full of warmth, and Southern hospitality :-)…and a beautiful woman of God. I loved learning from her creativity and enjoying planning all the details together. This was a beautiful gift to us to have this party together with our sweet friends, the Hart Family.
Lewis was sort of shell-shocked when he got up the next morning. He couldn’t believe everything that had happened the day before. My sweet friend, Heather, shared the decorations from the party with me and I was able to decorate his room with them…so the special day would last a little longer for him. He stared at them dreamily and said he wished it was his birthday every day 😉 Tonight, a week later, he stared at one of the decorations hanging over his bed again, saying, “Mommy, what does that say?” (knowing full well it said Happy Birthday because I’ve told him quite a few times). I smiled and started singing Happy Birthday again. His eyes softenend, he gave me a strong hug (he gives the best hugs now…and doesn’t eat kisses anymore–yeah!) and he said, “I love you so much mommy.” We didn’t get a whole lot of time together today, so we spent that time after sissy went to bed cuddling in his bed together as daddy was out in the field. These are the moments where the most precious parts of our hearts are shared. He talked about dying and going to heaven and whether we all are going to heaven. I told him that we know Jesus and love Him and that we are all going to heaven. He said, “but what if you don’t know Jesus, then what happens?” I explained to him again what it meant to know Jesus and reassured his fears that we are going to heaven and will be there together. He told me he had accepted Jesus in his heart, so he knew he was going to heaven to be with Jesus forever. He has said this to us before…and it has been an answer to prayer…that God would reassure us of his moment of salvation. Then….he asked about Hannah. I didn’t go into the part about Jesus taking the littles with him to heaven if something happened…but instead felt prompted to talk to him about how we can teach Hannah about Jesus through our love and obedience…that she will see Jesus in us and long for Him too. Lew quickly said, I’m going to love her so much and teach her about Jesus all the time. Then, he broke out in prayer..unprompted…he prayed to God that Hannah would come to know Jesus as soon as possible, just like us. It was the most beautiful prayer and my heart was so overwhelmed with emotion. I cannot believe the child God has given me. So passionate. So tender. So beautiful to me. I cannot believe the work the Lord is doing so powerfully in his heart.
He is challenging for me to parent though! Truly! I cry out to Jesus often for help. He requires much patience and tender-loving parenting. I thought things might get a bit easier at the golden age of 4…ironically, right after his 4th birthday have been the hardest days ever…BUT, God is showing me tonight…his heart is still ok…he is growing leaps and bounds in his faith…he asks us important questions and understands way more than we could ever imagine about his faith…and has a huge heart for God. He cares to be pleasing to Him….he knows what it is like to struggle…especially with self-will and emotion–to get overwhelmed to the point where he cannot think straight to obey…but this leads him to have a compassionate heart…a heart that is always so tender and forgiving for other people. This is a boy that God is molding to be His disciple. He is setting him apart for His glory. And I get to be a part of that. It is so hard, but so very worth every moment spent to LOVE, teach, pray, and discipline. I’m so incredibly humbled and grateful. This is my greatest treasure.
Happy 4th birthday my big pumpkin. I see Jesus in you 🙂