I am in a state of awe and adoration of who God is. The past few days have been full of Him. Full of His love. Full of His provision. Full of His comfort. Full of His prompting and equipping. I have found myself in a season where God is filling us up…He is showing Himself more to me–all His qualities and all that He is. All I can do is fall to my knees in adoration. I cannot believe in my own strength that God is everything that He is. He’s just simply too amazing for me to wrap my head around.
God is pouring out His love to me through my husband. Despite myself, he continues to love so deeply, so purely, so passionately. I cannot fathom the kind of love he is giving to me…so unconditional, so consistent. It is flowing from God through him to me. It is THIS love that is life-transforming. It has transformed me in the past…and then I stood on my own two feet for some time, grounded in who I was in the Lord, and lately, the rug has been pulled from my feet again, and once again, God shows me THIS kind of love. It is a powerful kind of love. So pure. So beautiful. So unselfish. I am so thankful for an incredible provision of God’s beautiful love to me–my sweet husband. I cannot doubt His great love for me…no matter what circumstances may seem…how compelling and deceiving they may be. This kind of love is not easy to give every day! It has come to me at a time when I needed to feel how perfect and full and great His love is for me.
At the same time, this morning at PWOC, I was greeted and talked to by SO many ladies…they poured out their love to me, without knowing anything about me. I’ve never seen anything like THIS in my life. Perhaps after a few months, maybe a few years, but my second day at PWOC? Again, God was showing me…you are so deeply loved and I will provide this for you. There is no need to fear. The topics of the studies were also so pertinent and powerful to my heart.
For me, this appears to be a season of being renewed, transformed, and built up/deepened in the faith. I am in a place to receive, but also to love others deeply.
I am learning so much about God’s calling on our lives. It is changing many perceptions I had…and I think will change a lot about our future course. I already feel JOY returning to my heart as God reforms my mind and changes my thoughts and habits. It is not easy, but it is so freeing and fulfilling. God’s way brings much JOY! And this is what I truly seek–to be satisfied in Him, to walk with Him, to radiate His joy in everything. This is the greatest light to others of Jesus Christ. I care not what our family’s specific secondary calling is right now (I trust Him to reveal it with time), but am delighting in my first one! To love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. I want to enjoy Him fully.
My individual secondary calling is to be a mommy, one that I have always delighted in…even when things are tough. The past few months, there has been so much going on in my body and heart, parenting became much harder all of a sudden. I have given my everything, but feel as though it has fallen way short of His standard. Now that my energy is returning, the sickness is gone (hurray!), and the boxes are almost all unpacked and mostly organized, I can focus my attention on full-time parenting, with great love and patience, once again. I have a lot of work ahead of me…and a lot of joy waiting for me as I watch God work so beautifully in my children and me once again to produce His fruit.
Brian and I are so excited at God’s love and provision here. We are sensing Him lead us down a certain path right now…with an uncertain future…just a glimpse of what might be…but we are united and excited. There is so much to discover…so much to be revealed. And as we wait, God isn’t delaying, but deepening His work in our hearts. I literally feel Him working deeply in my heart right now. I am able to let go of wanting focus and direction for the future, and am simply casting my focus, my eyes on Him…waiting for Him to tell us the next step. Truly, He is aligning our desires with His as we wait and obey, step-by-step, day-by-day.