This Easter was really wonderful for our family. The Lord taught each of us something special this Easter. The Lord gave me a new beginning…and taught me something so very important so deep down in my heart.
Last week, I caught the flu bug and was really sick for about 3-4 days. It started the day I wrote my last post. That night I spent the night with searing back pain. The back pain was so familiar to my long labor with my son (some things we can never forget!), at first I wasn’t sure if it was a stomach bug or actual labor… I couldn’t sleep. The night before, I woke up feeling terribly sick, but was able to go back to sleep. I was so thankful for that sleep. It helped prepare me for the next night. That night, I wanted so much to get rid of whatever was in my stomach, but it just wasn’t coming up. At last, Brian and I decided to go to the hospital around 3 am. I was still lingering in front of the door, a bit grumpy at this point, hoping for that relief so we didn’t have to go…and as I walked into the kitchen towards the door, the relief came. It felt so good. I sat down at the couch, feeling a bit better, and threw up a couple more times. At last I felt better, and fell asleep sitting up. We didn’t have to go. And the Lord provided the next few days while my body recovered.
This week, I caught a 24 hour bug. Easter morning, God spoke so clearly to my heart that I was to enter a new beginning. I didn’t know specifically what that meant to me at that point, but it settled on my heart and I was rejoicing that it was Easter and thankful for all the promises and fulfillments that come with this glorious day. I felt the Lord speak to me to not eat dinner that night. I listened. Later that night, I got really sick again. This time the back pain was less, and I was determined to be more obedient this time, and not as grumpy. As I was hanging my head over the toilet, thankful there wasn’t much in my tummy to come out this time, I felt the Lord’s peace over my body and my mind. I thought of the pain He had to endure on the cross that dark Friday long ago. I thought of His DEEP LOVE for me. And then it hit me…I’ve never felt God’s deep love for me at a time like this before. At times, by His grace, I feel it…but never on my own accord, do my thoughts naturally go to the place of… “Wow, God really loves me” during a time like that. This time my thoughts EMBRACED HIM, as He embraced me on that cold, small bathroom floor during the night. I knew that THIS was my new beginning. To KNOW without a doubt, that the attacks, trials and temptations and struggles and hurts come from the Enemy…God allows them in His deep love for us, but HE is looking down in love, pained by what pains us. And to feel His love for me in the depth of my heart during these tough times. In punishment, He LOVES. In refinement, He LOVES. I do not know whether this was punishment or refinement or suffering for God’s glory, but either way, I was sure of His wondrous love. And this was ALL that mattered.
God gave me one of the very best days of my life that Monday. It was a new beginning. I was embraced deeply in His love, sure of His provision, and He filled me with the Spirit’s energy to clean my dirty home, slowly, bit by bit :-), as my kids happily and sweetly played together, singing together, running around the couch chasing each other, playing “Fox and Hound.” It was a bit ironic, because I had talked to my husband recently before this day about how impossible it was to clean while the kids were around because of the frequent interventions that were needed….and the messes that were made….but God showed me, that when there is a need, and there is prayer (and even in times when we can’t pray), He provides in wonderful ways. More FAITH being built up in my soul. My kids were so full of LOVE and I was so humbled and amazed to see the Lord’s spirit in them. Isn’t that an amazing feeling? Seeing Jesus in your kids. They loved on me and each other all day and I felt God’s intimate embrace and love. What more could I possibly want?
Brian came home a bit disappointed from something that happened at work. I sat next to him, cuddled him, and we talked about what God might be doing in the situation. The Lord continued to lift him up throughout the day and he was so glad to hear about God’s wonderful provision for all of us after a night like that.
Lewis and I cleaned the kitchen floor with sponges, did lots of chores around the house to catch up, cooked together, did school, and we all played with play dough and did a fun craft together. Hannah played nicely in her crib for her quiet time without taking her clothes off, going potty, ripping books or the blinds, and was patiently and happily awaiting me when I came to get her. It was truly the day of my dreams!
God showed His wonderful mercy to our family…and that He will provide in every way no matter what happens. And I learned a deep and wonderful lesson of His great love for me. Nothing can separate us from His love. He is just waiting for our thoughts to return to HIM…to embrace HIM…knowing and truly believing without a doubt, that HE LOVES US SO MUCH!
John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son, that whosoever shall believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”
This one act proved once and for all the great love of the Father. I want this to be enough. Nothing else is needed to PROVE it…but He does mercifully love each and every day, still, in so many ways. How great is the Father’s love.